m.e.r.v.y.n.

Saturday, August 05, 2006

Its been awhile since i wrote to this blog of mine ( astig ano po?! )...hehehehe...i miss bloggin!!!!...well due to some restrictions in office and my work sked cant buy my time to update my life in the net...but what keeps me busy dis past few months?...well i dont know perhaps im lazy to divulge any info in my life...complicated kc e...wehehehehehe...but as i feel wat will keeps me busy for the next month is uncertain..but i hope its not wat i fear for....leaving is such a hard emotional word that even i myself have a hard time to comprehend....i hope i will not leave anyone if i can...

ibuzzed~~off~~ 12:56 AM

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Tuesday, February 28, 2006
my month of feb.....

feb. has almost ended and im still thinking of wat will i do for the rest of the year...oh GOD im still in the planning stage of my life until now...im not sure of everything in this world, somethings will turn in your way while sometimes or not always it will go either way....life is unpredictable, passionate and always complicated, no matter how simple you want it to be....i guess sometimes we have to give-up on things that sometimes or maybe always we used to be....it maybe hard or the least that you will expect painfull...that sometimes you asked the Almighty One to give you a strength, courage and greater treshold for pain....life is a mystery unfolding before our eyes, everyday is an opportunity to discover new things, learn new thoughts and change our principle in our life....we made mistakes, sometimes we knew it and no matter how we knew it we dont care the consequences it may take us...sometimes we knew it but we miscalculate the risk we take and it blew us away just as we never expected to happen...sometime we life as bliss, this happens when we are in a phase of our life with no worries or minimal problems at all...as they say, im in control of it....things happens so fast and now its just feb. of the year, more blessings, trials and challenges will come my way...just like last year, sometimes it is called the aftermath of what we have done from the past that will hunt us today....worst it could affect our future...hope im talking sense with this post...why i share this views instead of stories or anecdotes of my life?....well let's just say that my stories are worth the entire space of this world wide web....hehehehe...hope things will go on our way, even if were on the opposite side of this world....Lenten season is near ( ash wed na nga pala tom...hehehe ) Jesus will once again redeem us in our sins ( commemoratively )....wish me happy and ok because i wish you all the best, Please LORD, help me...because YOU destroyed death and im keeping my faith with YOU...Ü

ibuzzed~~off~~ 3:03 AM

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Thursday, February 09, 2006
finally im back

it took me almost 2 months to have an update on my blog...( hope you miss me...hehehehe..)...i forgot to write a year-end achievements of happenings for the 2005 and i know its too late to write it and im scrapping dat idea in my mind right now...what's going on my mind ryt now?!...well nothing special, im not busy or anything...but why it took me dis long to write a simple post on my blog?...well many things happened and worth a space in my blog but i guess the motivation or urge to write is not dat strong to come-up a post for it...i know many things happened, celebrations and special occassions worth to write and retold but honestly the "the gana factor maybe is gone"...am i busy on work, not dat much naman, as i said many things happened and worth a space in my blog...but i guess im not in da mood for it...but i assure you those things happened were worth remembering in my entire life...wat keeps me busy nowadays?...as ive said maybe nothing special, its always simple but maybe complicated...hehehehe...im still in da thinking mood for my plans for this whole year to do...setting goals and dreaming of something i needed and wanted to...i didnt realize february has arrived ( ganun talaga pagminsan walang paki sa ibang bagay )...now im trying to change ways, d way i see things and appreciate something, i even try to be sensitive an insensitive at the same time just to ignore somethings i do not want to feel...

and since its feb. i just miss the feeling of being a hopeless romantic and one of the cynics in this time of the year...i was good in making mushy and chessy stuff pa naman...hehehehe...unexpected things happened at unexpected time...im always caught off guard with it...and finally for almost 6 months of no communication she texted me and ease my mind about her health although she is still struggling but she is alive and this time positive about life...im happy just to be assured dat she is still alright but still its just from there dat will keep us to be...as of now d last time got in touch with her was the last week of jan...maybe she is still busy in recovering and getting her treatment serious and focus....one thing i was assured den dat if she will be alright she will tell me...one thing dat i assured of her and told her so many times dat im still here no matter wat...as a friend, a brother and still a lover...but still we agreed to not push things so hard on us...im happy to hear from her dat she is doing church work...she is active in dat thing and dat makes me surprise and wen i told her dat im focusing myself on priesthood maybe after my sister pass the board exams keeps the tone of our conversation normal again...

im still sad and lonely thinking so much things in life...people around has its own delimma and somehow i just listen to them...sometimes i want to open up a part of myself but still im afraid dat no one listen and nobody cares...mybe its just ok for me to have this on my own...after all listening to other peoples sintiment and feelings and sometimes giving sound advice would also keep me happy for i have helped someone i my own little way...

there is so many things going to happen, i now it for sure....since change is a constant thing in this in this world...wat i have learned ( actually wat im learning ryt now ) is the art of letting go...theres no definite ways on how to do it but still you have to...some says its not an art since it is a phase of life but as far as i know i have to learned it or should i say always learning it just to make me a better person dat i will be...in the end if we have learned how to let go, maybe who knows it may become a habit...a thing they called one of the phases in our life....somehow i hope that pain should not exist in my dictionary or maybe if it is impossible i hope that i have a great amount of treshold for pain....greater than i expected, dat i wanted and that i knew...somehow im trying to have it and if i have it....

should i stop this post....yes i have to so that you could read more sensible post the next time you visit my blog....i ask and beg for prayers for those people whom nobody would pray for them, i just learned this art of giving prayers in San Beda since college and also heard it everytime i novena at St. Jude....at least somehow you help others without knowing it...Ü

ibuzzed~~off~~ 10:08 PM

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Thursday, December 29, 2005
christmas season '05

a girl made a verbal comment on my post bout the nine mornings, she said that why do i go to dawn mass and complete the 9 nine mornings just to have a wish....i cant think of a sensible answer to her but then again out of nowhere i just said that i wish naman for world peace e so ok lang un and i just dont hear/attend mass just to have a wish cyempre i go to simbang gabi because to prepare me for the advent season and birth of the Emmanuel...hay naku i love this season talaga kc dis is the season were i always hear the song the 1st noel...hehehe la lang its my name kc e...i was fondly called noel wen i was in grade skul and hayskul even nung college ako i was still called NOEL...ahihihihi...how did i spend christmas season?..well first of all it started las september pa i started saying na im accepting xmas gifts na ( well my tradition since college pa ko ), kaso parang biglang nawala ung xmas mood nung past ber months na...den all of a sudden i felt it sobrang late na yata mga december 12 wen i was rushing to buy kris kringle gifts and start attending the dawn masses...hehehehe...tapos until now i have gifts to my officemates kaso ung elf ko ( c boggs ) bagal magbalot ng gifts e...hehehehe...sorry po ha....=) sa wakas naidaos din ung Christmas, but i hate to admit it mejo materialistic na ung view ng madame sa Xmas and sometimes naging ganun din me kaso i still find time to reflect the true meaning of it before it was too late...every simbang gabi dat i attend i try to honest and solemn dat i could pagmoment wid GOD na ung part ng mass...i try to make it a point na im still lucky to have HIM in my life..i was still thankful to GOD na somehow HE made me realize na i have somehow moved on na...twas Xmas party in our company and i dont know if i was fortunate or not because an unexpected situation happen to me...i was running late for the party and i was worried were i will be seated, unluckily i was with boggs but still fortunate to be with rach and rollypolly dat i was with them....the girl whom i was fascinated wen the 1st time i saw her ( damn i dont know wat sign is this pro im glad i now appreciate others coz it also happen to another girl but honestly it is just an admiration after all ) sat at our table...and oh boy i cant understand how i reacted, maybe it was just hyped by boggs teasing, im almost half done with my food wen all of a sudden i cant eat na, maybe i lose my apetite then or i was conscious of her existence...grabe i cant believe im writing bout her pro ok na din cguro na iexpress wala naman masama e, at least im now in the realization na i was not single anymore, but still i have a tagged na im single and not looking...ahihihihi...its a good thing na i appreciate beautiful people around me, before kc ang magaganda lang sakin c mama, noemil and c mae now at least nagfufunction na ung eyes ko to see and appreciate...d na ung umiikot sa iisang tao kundi sa iba din, nakikibagay na ko at nagkikisalamuha na sa mundo....hinde gumagawa ng sariling mundo kundi gumagalaw kasabay ng mga taong kasama ko sa iisang mundo...buti na lang talaga i wish for world peace...hehehehe...if there's one thing i have learned bout xmas and this year, it is learning to let go, i have not yet finished this course maybe this art of letting go will be a continuing course for me till next year or until i have totally let go of something dear to me...=)...

Lord grant me the wisdom to be the person YOU want to be...

ibuzzed~~off~~ 1:09 AM

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Saturday, December 24, 2005
finally nine mornings....

for so long i have finally completed the simbang gabi...after a long long time kc as far as i remember mejo sobrang bata ko pa nung nakacompleto me ng simbang gabi...wala lang sobrang sacrifice ung gagawin mo para makompleto cya...grabe talaga and cyempre ung wish sa ika 9th morning ko e world peace...hehehehe...funny ba or mejo not expected...honestly un po talaga i also wish for a peace of mind next to that...wala na me hiniling kc mejo i was blessed naman this year e....i dont ask for any personal gain sa pagsasacrifice ko ng simbang gabi kc somehow im in a state were i can almost give-up everything to serve...actuallly im ready na to be a priest...maybe dat was my frustration pro hinde din im not doing this out of frustration din...db im doing this because the calling to serve became louder and louder for me to hear and so clear for me to answer a worthy call...were just counting the hours and its Christmas na....considering how my life turned upside down im still thankful for HIM for always guiding me...HE is always so great that sometimes i even question HIM why HE have to do dat to me pro cyempre i have to understand...I always try to seek what path HE outlays for me and im willing to take what path HE wants for me...MERRY CHRISTMAS.....AMEN....=)

ibuzzed~~off~~ 9:25 AM

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Thursday, December 08, 2005
kuya 101

I stayed late at d office yesterday and arrived at home at around 1 pm na...and guess wat my sister knocked her head at our apartment's wall upstairs...we live kc at the 3rd floor so we have to climd our way upstairs and we need to have enough light to manage to see our path way up the stairs...my sister arrived before me and i feel guilty at that moment kc feeling ko if i arrived at a much earlier time maybe i will light the path to our flat and she will not get hurt...i feel so much guilty kc she cry so hard and she said to me na "kuya its so sakit talaga i feel like my head is spliting into two na"...i was so mad at myself telling that if come earlier it will not happen and to think na she did was not familiar in our place so i have to make adjustment for her kc review school adjustments na makes hard on her tapos dadagdag pa ko sa stress nya...another bad thing is i dont have a medicine kit sa bahay which i feel like i was so helpless on her pain and she kept weeping at my sight...all dat i could do is to hug her and place an ice on her head with a clean cloth...i was so hysterical din wen she told me right after she opened the door for me wat happened and came to comfort her...i had a go nuts donut pasalubong pa naman at dat time and i went nuts on thinking how to help her kc even she was also hysterical...i cant kept thinking talaga na it was my fault...i feel like i was a bad kuya on her and had forgotten my responsibilities on her and syempre i have not tell my mom bout wat happen i will tell her cguro mya pag-uwi ko pag mejo hinde maga ung ung bukol ng sister ko ganun kc ako gusto ko sasabihen ko pag-ayos na para ikukukwento ko na lang and hinde na cla mag-aalala...my sister was also saying na kuya look oh my forehead is swells na oh and red na red na kanina nga e mejo violet cya e...so after we settle down and mejo nag-ease ung pain ng head nya dun pa lang me nakapagprepare ng lunch namen at around 3pm na yata un e...i tell her wat happen, she told me na she was slip at the stairs kc she is looking for the switch of the lights and unluckily nga naslip nga cya which cause her to hit the wall on the second floor stairs...it happened at around 30 mins daw before i arrived kc sabi nya kakadating din daw nya e...biro mo a 30 mins late could mean so much pala, i just feel so bad for myself i even cried on my way sa office kanina thinking bout that incident...i guess i should be more of kuya first before anything else kc she is still weak pa, she still dont know the danger of this concrete jungle....i almost want to cry nga at dat moment wen i saw her and heard her story kaso i have to ba an example of a strong person so even i panic and became hysterical i manage pa din to have composure and fortress of strenght pa din para d cya lalong maapektuhan...i still remember wen i was in college freshman days ko na my certain nights na i almost cry because of loniliness, disappoinments, failure and pains...i also think na im not really superman, im just a nobody simpleng pag-aalaga lang sa kapatid d ko pa nagawa...i was trying my best pa naman to be a responsible kuya pa naman pro bat ganun parang i still failed...my brother always look up to me as his superman ( good thing hinde dad ko )...bakit ganun i know der will be more dilemma to come on me and simple lang to, i tought im doing right to protect her and keep her away from harm....hope i could be superman to them, sa family ko, sa mahal ko sa buhay, why do i always feel helpless wen dis situation comes to me...kahit sa family ko na lang maging superman ako or sana ung mga masasamang mangyari sana sakin na lang mangyari wag na sa kanila, kc having undergone so much pain in life, i think the feeling of suffering, pain and agony is stranger to me na...i think as i grow old i have to still learn, im not a perfect kuya naman e and a realization din na we grow old na, im not the superman dat they knew wen they were young....wen i arrived at the office kagabi i still think about them pa din, pro cyempre i came here to work so i wear my happy worry free mask na ulit....sana d na masakit ung ulo ng sister ko i still worry about her so much...hay naku so much for this na and i have to be home na so that this incident would not happen again...

ibuzzed~~off~~ 7:05 AM

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Wednesday, November 23, 2005
a very long weekend part 2

wen did we stop o yes we stop at 19/11 pala after da harry potter movie

20/11

we went na to manila with my sister, cyempre she is taking the review for her cpa board on may e...d ko inisip na burden sakin ung sister ko kc im helping her to achieve her dreams and im a loving kuya to her willing ot help and support her all the way...and cyempre 1st day pa lang nya sa maynila na magstay ng matagal ang hirit e starbucks kagad...astig noh...hehehehe...no i want to pamper her as much as i can kc un lang ung tanging magagawa ko just to show my support and cheer her up e...i love her so much na kahit mukhang max-out na credit card ko e cge pa din...now im beginning to be dependent on credit cards which i fear so much, but then i again just to see her and her dreams and also think of my family, the negative tots just flow away in an a snap....

21/11 da 1st day on review school

cyempre just as i expect, me pa ung nervous kesa sa kanya...now im beginning to feel my mom's feelings the moment wen we set our foot on school on our 1st day...i prepare breakfast and alwaysa check her if she's ready na...hay naku parang mommy me dat time talaga, now para ko nakita c mama sa sarili on how she always remind us on our stuff and things to do...cant believe i did that nga e...hehehehe...so hinatid ko sister ko sa review school and wen i saw her classmate mejo mga bata pa naman e...tapos i heard one of them na astig ung bf neto o kalbo mukhang siga, den dun sinabi saken ng sister ko na dat was the use pala of shaving again my head to scare suitors...sabi ko nga no my dear lalo nga me bumata e sabe bf mo daw me...ahihihihi...den after her class at around 1pm which i expect her to come home na, but then again wala pa cya...so i panic na ( 1 hour late lang ha panic na agad )...i have prepared na our lunch and almost ready na and sent her almost 10 text messages na no reply at all...so im beginning to worried na, kc naman e she did not tell me dat she will be with her classmate to get some reviewer...kaso da bad thing kc dun e she didnt tell me bout dat and it made me freak-out and really worried bout her...so dumating cya at around 2:30-3pm na yata cyempre me naman e iba sa mama ko i just stay cool, tell her to take the shower muna den eat na her lunch...den after it she tell me dat she ran - out of load na and texted me naman with her friends fon..so ako cool pa din mejo stiff pro cool pa din...den she made lambing na sakin coz she noticed dat im giving her a cold treatment e, so ako para sakin pagpansin na nya un e pwede ko na cya pagsabihan kc yoko namang pagsabihan pa cya na hinde nya pansin na mas nadisappoint me sa kanya or may mali cya na nagawa...im not angry on her, im just sad and disaapointed dat she never told me her plans pala e balak ko pa naman na mejo magstroll kame sa mall sa afternoon para marelax cya e...hay naku if she only knew na masakit din sakin ung pagsasabihan cya, all i do is to care for her welfare nothing else...i knew the pain before of being independent and now im still having hard time adjusting on it...the pain of being lonely away from the one who really cares for you and loves you so much...i still miss them and if i know dat i can forseen danger to happen all i want is to warn and somehow if i can save her...i admit that im not with her all the time, im not superman but as much as possible i will be...

ibuzzed~~off~~ 4:04 AM

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Tuesday, November 22, 2005
a very long weekend...ahihihihi

its been a while since i made my last post in my blog....and i would like to summarize it in a two part entry on my blog...ahihihihi...let's start my story last week

townhall monday ( 14/11 )

we are all dressed-up for the townhall at hotel intercon, but last year was still the best townhall...and it is now traditional for the manila office on every townhall to have an entertainment portion..hehehehe...cyempre we have the thomson one voice chorale that rendered a song...boggs ok ung song nyo ng manila kaso my sumablay e pro twas good pa din kahit na lam ko na madame kau sacrifices for that...and also my dance troupe na din ang thomson...and c nancy ok ung tribal dance nya kala ko nga e native na ifugao cya e...joke lang nancy ha...hehehehehe...i was not able to be part of the chorale for this townhall due to sked e...hehehe...honestly d ko kaya na magvoice lesson tapos kulang ka sa tulog un na ung d healthy e ccrain mo na ung health mo pati ung boses mo pagganun...the food was not that good e...sana ginawa na lang gabi ung townhall para nakainom cla ej ng mga cocktail drinks...hehehehe..

starbucks planner and the watch ( 16/11 )

finally i had completed na ung 1st starbucks planner ko just in time as an additional gift for my mom...my sister was the one who bought the gift kc e and i just add ung planner...and also i ask for the assistance of rach to help me buy a watch...actually it was overdue na nga ung watch na un kc parating na ung sister ko e yoko pa naman malaman nila na im spending so much for myself kc ako kc all-out spending kc ako sa kanila e...i shopped my sister and my mom...i spoiled my brother on toys he want and kung magspend man ako sa sarili ko gusto ko d nila alam, wala lang kc ang gusto ko kc lahat mabigay sa kanila ung gusto nila just like when i was a kid...im just returning the favor to my lovely mom and spoiling my siblings as much as i can...hehehehe..corny noh...i bought a fossil watch kc ung watch na ginagamit ko before e i have returned it to my dad na...im so thankful to rach talaga kc kahit pano e mejo ok naman ung watch na nakuha and cyempre i ask for her assistance kc ung negotiating power nya and best buy naman ung nakuha ko na watch e...kung ung sister ko kasama ko cguro baka nabili ko din ung kapartner ng watch ko and charming ung sister ko pro she dont use her charm wen buying things ayaw nya yata magkaroon ng bargaining power e...hehehehe..

my mom's 20th bday...hehehe..

yes you heard it right 20th bday...hehehe.. no my mom is already 56 and she looks very young at her age...still pretty and very lovely mom...she is the most beautiful girl i had ever saw in my entire existence of my life...mama's boy na mama's boy noh...i love giving my mom compliments kc e...i even texts her with a mwah which she also saw on my phone when i text mae before...hehehehe...as expected i was late on her bday..i arrived past lunch na coz hinde naman me sinundo e commute lang e...so un i hurry my gift to be wrapped na and we had dinner den...mejo bihira na din na tumabi me sa mama ko matulog kaya natulog me sa master's bedroom with my brother cyempre kc d naman papatalo un e seloso din kc un e...hehehehe...mejo special ung day na un para sakin...kc i have rest since nagnayt shift me, mejo naka rest na and i have spent na din ung bday celebration ng mom ko na kasama me...as far as i remember e since high school ko pa nakapunta sa bday nya e...since nung nagcollege me e puro text and call lang ung greetings ko sa kanya...now i had the oppurtunity to spend her special day na kasama na me...i love my mom so much...

harry potter and the goblet of fire 19/11

we watch harry potter's 4th film with my mom and my sister...my brother cant join us kc my saturday class pa cya...so sad for him...hehehe...i saw my ex at the cinema and i remember something cguro i will write it na lang next time...the movie was great better than the previous one and the best potter movie so far to grace the silver screen...hay naku mejo mahaba na ung napost ko tom na lang ulit para mabasa muna to...sometimes kc pagnagpopost kc me e natatabunan na ung 1st na pinost ko...hehehe...somehow i feel good na and recharge...ahihihihi...

ibuzzed~~off~~ 3:08 AM

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Thursday, November 10, 2005
starbucks part 2

it seems that it was only yesterday when i dreamt of that starbucks body bag and look at now after having the bag im craving to have that planner...maybe because it was frustration of last year to have a planner for myself...i had manage to have the planner for my sister but unfortunately she lost it...now im working to have a planner for my sister, my mom, my brother and myself ( family affair isn't it..ahihihihi )...and if there still enough money and time maybe to good friends also...hehehehe....its like the same just as the body bag of starbucks and good thing is caffeine has a positive effect on the nightshift to stay awake on work...my sister will be here for her cpa review maybe as early as 19...i guess the harry potter movie watching will be spent at lucena because my mom is celebrating her 20th birthday on the 17th and im planning to take a leave on the 17-18 coz im planning to be with her on her birthday...its been 5 or 6 yrs that i only greet her through text and call and i want to be with her on her special day...i love my mom so much than any girl in this world ( kahit naman nung my gf me e....tsk...tsk...tsk...mama's boy talaga )...the new panday soap is good but nothing beats FPJ on it c Flavio pa din ung Panday ko but the new one is worth watching naman e...d naman nagkakalayo ung face namen ni jericho rosales, iisa lang naman kc ung hulmahan ng mukha namen...oo na i admit mas guwapo samen c FPJ cyempre tisoy un kastilaloy e...well back to the starbucks thinggy, ive got my planner card since nov. 4 and since that day i have 8 stickers na!!!...amazing db?! ahihihihi...imagine the promo just started on the 4th and now its 10th na and i have 8 stickers na which i almost having coffee everyday!!!...well its just that im lucky on this week, since monday we start to have the coffe habit and last tuesday sir tony treat us sa starbucks, sayang nga 5 kame natreat kaso ive got only 2 stickers coz i give way to others naman and take note the treat was not just the coffee it also comes with pastry, o db astig!!!...im expecting to have more stickers and starbucks treat to come...hehehehe...coz i have to collect 21 just to have the planner...=)

ibuzzed~~off~~ 3:26 AM

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Thursday, October 20, 2005
being superman

being superman is not a joke....you must have high treshold for pain...enduring all the sufferings you could bear....selfless thinking and always on call.....how much more could i give if i myself has almost nothing to give....what more can someone gain from me if i myself has been broken and shattered into pieces that im almost non-existent at all....where do we go from nowhere, were all of us is at lost and still losing hope and faith....when we should learn that if we give we should expect something in return....whom i should trust if i myself cant trust my heart, that everytime i hear her name part of myself drives crazy, that my heart is a traitor on my feelings that it always betrays me to the point that i cant help on falling again...i know being with me cant gain too much, sacrificing is also needed, understanding and patience will alsways require....i may not be a perfect catch but as far as i know i become worthy to be with...i try to become superman even to the point that i think i am...but reality always hit that i have weakness because im human, i care and love....no matter how hard i try...no matter how though i bear it....no matter how difficult i overcame...maybe this is the way it should be that i should love you in silence, because in silence i found no rejection....

ibuzzed~~off~~ 3:09 AM

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